Dreaming about grief
Grief dreams are a normal and well-studied part of bereavement, and a large proportion of people who have them describe them as comforting rather than painful.
Also searched as: mourning, bereavement, loss, sorrow
Grief in dreams changes over the course of mourning, and that change is one of the most meaningful things a dream journal can record.
Early bereavement dreams more often involve distress, the person being ill or in danger, or the shock of discovering they are alive. Later dreams more often involve the person appearing well, calm, and simply present.
This progression is widely reported and is one of the reasons the recurring-dream timeline exists on this site. Watching it happen is not a small thing.
Common associations
- Loss, of a person, a relationship, a place, a version of life.
- Unfinished conversation.
- Continuing bonds: the maintained relationship with what is gone.
- Anticipatory grief, where the loss has not happened yet.
Positive readings
Comforting grief dreams are extremely common and worth stating plainly, because bereaved people often assume their comforting dream was unusual or that they should not have found it comforting.
They are not unusual. A large share of bereaved people report at least one, and most describe it positively.
Difficult readings
Dreams where the person is distressed, more common early in bereavement.
Dreams of them being alive, followed by the waking. Reported as among the hardest experiences of grieving.
Absence of dreams, which distresses some bereaved people considerably. They feel they have been denied something. Not dreaming of someone is also normal and means nothing.
Psychological perspectives
Continuing bonds theory is the relevant modern framework, and it reframes grief dreams as part of healthy mourning rather than as failure to let go.
Grief is not a symptom in dreams. It is grief, appearing where grief appears.
Cultural and historical
Mourning dreams are treated as significant in most cultures on record, with many treating them as genuine contact. Recorded as belief; see the Dead Relative entry for how this site handles that question.
What the sleep science says
Grief dreams are common in bereavement and frequently reported as comforting. This is well documented in bereavement research.
They are associated with normal mourning rather than with pathology.
Whether they mean anything beyond that is not a question the evidence addresses, and this site does not pretend otherwise in either direction.
Your own context
- How long has it been?
- How did they seem?
- How did you feel on waking?
- Has the character of these dreams changed over time?
If this recurs
This is the category the recurring-dream timeline was built for. Tracking how grief dreams change across months and years is one of the most valuable things this site can offer a bereaved person.
Where dreams remain acutely distressing well into bereavement, prolonged grief is treatable, and it is worth saying so.
Specific grief dreams
Each of these is written separately, not generated from this page.
What state it was in
Questions for reflection
These are for your journal, not for us. Nothing you write is shared.
- How long has it been?
- How did they seem in the dream?
- How did I feel in the first minute after waking?
- Have these dreams changed since the beginning?
Dream interpretation is subjective. Nothing here is a diagnosis, a prediction, or medical advice.
Sources and reviewed references
3 references. What these labels mean
- 1.The Scientific Study of Dreams: Neural Networks, Cognitive Development and Content AnalysisAcademic book
G. William Domhoff (2003) · American Psychological Association
Cited for: The continuity hypothesis (that dream content largely reflects waking concerns) and a sustained critique of symbolic dream interpretation as an evidential method.
- 2.The Content Analysis of DreamsAcademic book
Calvin Hall and Robert Van de Castle (1966) · Appleton-Century-Crofts
Cited for: The standard coding system for dream content, and the normative frequencies that later studies are compared against. The reason claims like "aggression is more common in dreams than friendliness" can be stated numerically at all.
- 3.Man and His SymbolsPsychology literature
Carl Jung and others (1964) · Aldus Books
Cited for: The amplification method, the compensatory function of dreams, and the archetypal reading of recurring figures such as the shadow.
Dreamers’ accounts
How dreams of grief have gone for other people, in their own words. Nothing here is an interpretation of anyone else's dream. It is a record of what happened and what it was like.
Nothing here yet. Be the first to say how this has gone for you.
Related records
- PersonDead relativeDreams of the dead are extremely common in bereavement, are frequently reported as comforting rather than distressing, and are taken seriously by grief researchers as part of how mourning proceeds. What they are not is evidence of contact.
- EventFuneralA funeral in a dream does not predict a death. It is one of the most reliable images the mind has for an ending, and it appears far more often around change than around bereavement.
- EmotionNostalgiaNostalgic dreams are usually about a time rather than a thing, and they cluster around transitions, as though the mind reaches back when the ground shifts.
- EmotionAngerAnger is common in dreams and frequently directed at people the dreamer is not consciously angry with. It is not a verdict on the relationship and not something to act on.
- EmotionConfusionConfusion in dreams is usually not content. It is the texture of dreaming itself. Dreams suspend critical judgement, and noticing that they do not make sense is the doorway to lucidity.
- EmotionDesireSexual and romantic dream content is common, normal, and a poor guide to waking preference or intention. Dreaming about someone is not a decision, a confession, or a wish you have to act on.